Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This baby is an asshole
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
