Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This beer is not sobering me up at all
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
