If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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