Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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