I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
