he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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