Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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