I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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