I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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