you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
