she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
