Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
