I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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