I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These tits shall not be calmed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
