State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
