does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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