Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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