did you get engaged???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
