Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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