I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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