I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
