he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
