I wish i was in the wii world.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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