I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
