I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
