my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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