the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
