I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
