He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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