hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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