I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
