im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
