Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
