I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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