his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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