oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
