he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
