I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
