So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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