Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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