you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
