My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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