Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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