I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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