He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
