I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
