White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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