We need to rekindle our bromance
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
