I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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