Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize