My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
