I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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