Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
