I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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