I want you more than these girls want KFC
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
