Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
