We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize