At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
