Someone shit on the floor
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
