I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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