Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
