Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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