Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
