Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
