only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
