bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
