Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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