You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
