Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
