tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
