I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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