I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do vagina's smell?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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