Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
